What is Divorce Mediation?
What is divorce mediation? So let’s clear up a big misconception. The only way to get divorced is by fighting in court. This is how divorce is portrayed in the news and on TV, but lately people want to get divorced in a way that preserves their wealth, provides a nice lifestyle for two separate households and maybe even protects their kids. If you want to have a bit more control over your future and not leave it up to a judge, you have options.
The first one is just sitting down with each other and outlining how you are going to split everything. This is the "do it yourself divorce" approach. This could include discussing what to do going forward if only one person works, how are the bills going to get paid and who will keep the house. This seems simple, but there is no guidance from a financial or legal standpoint.
So then you have divorce mediation – which involves a few more people to help you sort through all the issues. There are many ways to go about this “mediation” process. You can hire a mediator, who could be an attorney or divorce financial expert. Then if you have a business, you can jointly hire a company valuation expert. The mediator guides the couple through the difficult discussions and helps them agree on the plan. There is some structure, but the couple is in still in control. Another option along these same lines is collaborative divorce. This process has more structure and involves a “divorce coach” who serves as the facilitator of the meetings and then each person has an attorney. There could also be a financial neutral who will help the couple understand the tax implications of the settlement.
The key difference in this process is that both people agree to go through the process and NOT ever battle it out court. If the couple decides to stop the collaborative process, then all the professionals are prohibited from working with the couple in litigation. Basically you have to start over which will cost more money, time and effort. But if both people are committed to settling their divorce outside of court, collaborative divorce helps give some structure and moves people to the finish line, even when there are difficult issues to discuss. The couple is still in control and can have it go as quickly as they wish.
Finally there is litigation, which is where each person hires an attorney and then you follow the legal process to exchange documents, formally interview each person, meet with the judge and most of the divorce is directed by the professionals. This is a good situation for people who cannot agree on anything and really need the most formal way to get divorced. Most people who have complex financial situations may have enough money to support two households after the divorce, but they don’t want to “waste” their money on people who could help them get divorced. Here is the thing, the people you hire and the process you choose will be worth the money, because then you will both have a clear plan on how to move forward. There is no good or bad option, it really depends on the dynamics of the couple.
If you would like to discuss your particular situation, or have questions about family mediation services in St. Louis, Missouri or Illinois, check out our website at www.BridgeValuation.com or email me at melissa@bridgevaluation.com or call 314-541-8163.